"I'm Free"

I'm going to be a little transparent in this post.  Only because my spirit is so so happy and so so free, that I cannot contain my excitement.  And since I share other exciting moments in my life with you, this one should not be any different. Besides, the purpose of this blog is to take you on my spiritual journey.  I can't always talk about the good without talking about the bad and the ugly. 

I have been divorced for a little over 3 years now.  I carried the guilt of deciding to divorce for such a long time.  The guilt that was placed on me from a spiritual standpoint and from a motherly standpoint was far too great.  It was what separated me from God.  Thankful to God, I found my way back, but the guilt stayed put.  Moments came where I would cry and feel the shame of having failed the ones I love (God, my children, and myself).  

One day, I decided to go to counseling.  I wanted to break free from the stronghold my ex had over me.  In there, I learned so much about him and myself.  I now had something tangible to pray about.  I immediately asked God to release me from that bondage.    

With the help of my counselor and God, I knew that I received God's forgiveness, knew that I forgave my ex, and all was left for me to do was forgive myself.  

Glory be to God the day I did.  God had a real heart to heart talk with me.  It was such a freeing and powerful experience. Words cannot explain how elated I was (and still am) to look in the mirror and no longer see shame and guilt.  To no longer have that burden.  

I feel like a new creature.  All smiles. I sometimes laugh and think how silly it was to think God was mad at me.  He loves me, I'm His daughter.  Thank you Lord, for you are so worthy to be praised.  This has been plaguing my mind for 3 years...but it's finally over. 

Praise God!

"Leave Me!"

LEAVE me, for you are not welcomed.

You darken my doorstep and I want you to go away.

FLEE from this place and never return.

I didn't need you yesterday, nor will I today

And most certainly not tomorrow.

You bring nothing but discomfort and pain.

Your voice sings of my inadequacies and failures.

As if you are celebrating its existence.

Why?  What have I ever done to you?

VACATE these premises, for you are invading my safe haven.

It has become dark, cold, and dismal-like.

There is nothing you can offer me,

Nothing that I can glean.

VAMOOSE! As this is a no-condemnation zone.

Only peace, grace, and love are cordially invited.

So VANISH, I don't want to ever see your presence again!

Trusting In Him

My thoughts are consumed with worry

No comfort can enter it's space

My heart is filled with anxiety

It's beating is quickening at a rapid pace

My world is one second from crashing

I'm not sure how much more I can take

My palms are sweaty as nerves creep in

This feeling of utter failure I just cannot shake

Is it possible that my world will end

Right here, right now, I wonder

This overwhelming circumstance is too much right now

I don't know how to get out from under

But then I remember that special someone

Whose love goes far and deep

He keeps me safe in times like this

In His caring nature, will hold me while I weep

I immediately feel His warm embrace

As He tells me there is no pain He does not feel

This brings me great comfort to hear the words

For I know by His stripes I am healed

As I gain my composure, He so eloquently explains

Trusting me is the only way to bring you from despair

Lean on me, trust in me

I know how much you can bear

I got it now, at least I think I do

I have a Father that truly knows what's best

I'll put my entire trust in Him

Do what I can and let Him handle the rest

The Beauty of Revelations

I once heard that you should want revelations vs. deductive reasoning.  I agree with this point, even though I am a very logical thinker.  Revelations come from God and is much more sustainable.  I mean, the mind can go back and forth in its reasoning, but a revelation from God is there to stay.  

I studied the book of 1 John for about 3 days in preparation for a chapter in my book and the next morning, I had that "Ahh!" moment.  I've been struggling with God being mad at me over a couple of years now and as I was getting ready for work, I could see the writing on my mirror.  The message was as clear as the sky is blue.  There was no denying I had received a revelation from God.  It was the breakthrough I had been praying for. 

That feeling stuck with me for the better part of the day.  I felt free and liberated.   What a wonderful God we serve.  

Self Discovery Through My Kids

One day, I voiced my concern to my friend P, regarding my son Jordan's behavior. Her response was, 'He's just like you.'  I was astonished by this because I never really thought about this possibility.  

More and more of his idiosyncrasies come out and I evaluate myself.  By doing this, I can relate to him and help him/us formulate a plan to get better.

Recently, I've been trying to figure out why I always feel condemned.  I tell myself that God does not condemn and discipline does not equal condemnation. 

As I thought more on this subject, I realized that Jordan does the same thing. When I get on him about a misbehaving, he gets mopey and super sad.  I explain to him that I love him and I'm not mad at him.  I give him hugs and kisses and tell him that its me needing to teach him what's right from wrong. He's still sad and nothing I can say will make him feel any better.  

This is me all day long.  The only difference is, his sorrow is short-lived.   Usually by the next day (if it happens at bedtime) or the next hour, he is good. Mine tends to linger.  

What can I glean from him?  That its okay to be down for a moment, but I should quickly get over it because I know my Father will always love me and has my best interest at heart.

Thanks Jordan!

Church Home

I often equated finding a church home to dating.  You go on many dates to find that special someone.  Its okay to move around if they are not to your liking. You do not want to settle and you want to be sure they are the "one".  

Over the years, I've watched my favorite Illinois pastor online.  He grew me in so many ways spiritually.  In the past two years, I've occasionally attended a local church.  The service was okay and while I left satisfied of having been at a physical church, something was missing.

I tried two different times to join the Illinois church online, to no avail.  When I called to inquire about the membership, they said there was no such thing as an "online member".  Weird I thought and went back online to check it out.  Sure enough, it read, 'online membership - for those that cannot make it into church'.  
I tried to apply one last time.  Still nothing.  I decided this was a sign from God that He wanted me in a local church.  

One day soon after, I retrieved my mail and found a flyer for a new church located 10 mins away from me.  Start time was 10:00 a.m.  I was a little skeptical because it was at a Middle School but after emailing the church, the pastor informed me that yes, this is their location until God blesses them with a church home. Super close and not super early, there was no reason for me to not check it out.

Sunday came and I was excited to go.  With the church being new and small, I would get the intimacy I craved and would be able to help grow them and actually make a difference.  The pastor would know my name and I could truly fellowship with the members.

As I was driving, I prayed that God would help me keep an open mind and heart and receive what He wants me to receive and not judge.  

All the stars aligned.  The praise and worship was great. The sermon spoke directly to me and touch my soul on such a deep, spiritual level, I could do nothing but weep.  He even invited us to the alter to get prayed for.  Something I extremely missed and hadn't seem to get from a bigger church. 

I left happy, fulfilled, and asked God the question, "Is it possible to know you want to marry someone on the first date?" 

Taking a Walk With Jesus

 I will walk among 
you and be your God, 
and you will be my people
~ Leviticus 26:12

Spending time with Jesus are very precious moments.  Every minute spent is a gift. We can do this through reading our bibles, devotionals, prayer, and meditation.  It is about building a relationship with Him.  Not just a knowledge of Him, but a true genuine relationship.  You reap the benefits of peace, joy, and love that makes you feel complete.  

At my job we have a beautiful walking trail with a spectacular water view.  As I take my break, I walk along the trail with Jesus.  I talk to Him about anything that is on my mind at the moment.  I thank and praise Him for what He has done.  It is an exhilarating experience.  One that I now look forward to daily.  

What are some different ways you spend time with God?

Lent 2017

This year, I wanted to participate in Lent.  Not because I'm catholic, but because I wanted to use this time to grow closer to God.  

I decided to give up using my phone between the hours of 8-4.  Initially it was pretty hard.  You see, me and my phone are buddies.  She is my sidekick. She has my back when I'm lost, bored, need to communicate, or need to remember something.  :-)

It is much easier during the week when I'm at work.  I'm more focused and get so much more done.  

This past weekend wasn't too bad, though.  My boys had basketball tournaments and I had a lot of errands to run.  I will say, it was weird. Its second nature just to grab my phone and play a game or send a text.  I definitely had to practice self discipline.  

Even though I did find myself struggling when a thought came to mind and I wanted to text it or wanted to look something up real quick, it reminded me of the reason I'm doing this.  So instead, I talked to God or had a thought about His goodness and proceeded on with my day.  

Wonder what this weekend will be like.  No games at all!  

Wish me luck!  

Nicknaming Your Problems

This morning, in 'Jesus Calling' by Sarah Young, she wrote about nicknaming your problems and how it helps you to approach them with familiarity rather than dread.  

I thought, what a splendid idea.  This will also help to lose some of its power. 

There are times at work when I get stuck in a rut and I will make one mistake after another. This does not happen often, but when it does, I feel defeated, scared of what my boss will think, and fearful for my job. 

With this being a big problem for me, I thought this would be a good candidate for nicknaming.  

Work Bug

Overview: A virus you catch from time to time when you worry excessively over mistakes made at work.

Symptoms: Worry, stress, anxiety, nervousness, doubt, condemnation, fleeing thoughts all while at work.  

Causes: Lack of faith and trust in God.

When to see a doctor:  Seek immediate attention.  The doctor (God) has already given you plenty of prescriptions (scriptures) to help you get over this virus.  AND it is free of charge.  Please don't let the problem persist for longer than 2 hours.  A meltdown could occur. 

That was fun!  

Do you have any nicknames for your problems?

Theme of the Year

In 2014, I did away with the whole "New Year's Resolution" and started, what I call, "Theme of the Year".  The difference for me was simple.  Statistically speaking, over 70% of people cease their resolutions after the 1st week.  It loses it's appeal very quickly.  With a theme, it represents you as a whole. Its an attempt to answer questions, provide guidance, go deeper into the depths of what makes you, you.  Unlike a resolution, a theme does not HAVE to start on January 1st.  You can ease your way into it, taking your time.  Why?  Because it is something you truly want for yourself and your life and it is not just a frivolous goal.  

In 2014, my theme was "Taking Care of Business".  A lot was definitely accomplished.  My divorce was finalized that year, built my new home, got a new job, and revived my relationship with my kids.  

In 2015, my theme was "Learning and Defining Nyta".  I learned several things about myself, both good and bad.  I experienced different things that took me out of my comfort zone.  I became more comfortable with myself and what I wanted out of life.

In 2016, my theme was "Learning to Live Outside My Box". Anyone that knows me, knows I live inside a nice comfy, luxurious box.  It's where I would stay forever if I could.  But this does not provide growth.  No one told me that my box was not expandable when I purchased it. This year, I had a ton of spiritual growth.  I began to see and view things differently. Started the process of forgiving myself and others.

Which brings me to 2017.  I had several themes in mind but of course I could only choose one.  It was difficult, but I chose, "Knowing Who I Am in Christ". I'm so excited.  I'm hoping to wrap this thing up by December 31st, move on to the next. :-) I'm off to a good start, so far so good. 

Do you have a theme of the year that you would like to share?  Leave your replies in the comment section.  I would love to hear your ideas.

Lost

I walked for what felt like eternity.
My feeble legs started to tremble in defeat.
The further I walked, the more objects became smaller.
Until they no longer remained.
The fog obstructed my view.
I was destitute and only bleakness and dejection were friends
My existence was starting to collapse.
When did I make a wrong turn?
Where was my weakened feet taking me?
I thought about home, family, friends.
Oh to be comforted by them.
I heard the echo of my own voice as I yelled, "Help!"
It resonated through every part of my body.
Another slow painful step forward brought me to my knees.
As I blinked back the tears, I saw a sign.
I courageously crawled closer and it became visibly clear.
In such beautiful calligraphy, it read:
"This way, My Child"
I rose and walked optimistically ahead.
My strength had been renewed.
My body and mind, restored.
I was no longer lost, but found.

Written by:  Juanyta Bradley

Let's Get Ready!

Dear Readers,

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog.  I am trying, just like you, to get through this thing called life, the best way I know how and the only way I know how.  And that is by taking God along with me on my journey. 

You see, I've tried to "do" life without Him.  It is only until you "do" life with Him, you truly appreciate His peace, love, support, grace, and mercy.  

And even though I have Him in my back pocket, it is a daily battle that I have to prepare for. The fights and attacks of the enemy are real.   So real, you can lose sight of God's love and peace on a daily basis.  

Even though this is my journey, feel free to come along.  During this exciting roller coaster ride, you can ask questions, give advice, or share a piece of your own story.  

This blog will be multifaceted.  Anything worth sharing I will share. We will cry, laugh, worship, and praise.  But most importantly, we will get through this thing together, with the help of our Father, His Son, and the Holy Spirit.  Are you ready?

  

I'm excited, so let this journey begin...